Are the Porsche cars the first on the highway?
When I was a small child, I once asked my parents on a car trip whether the Porsches were the first on the motorway. I don’t remember what the answer was, but that’s not that important.
As I reflected on this situation, I realized that our everyday lives are not a competition. That there is no beginning and no end. And that there will always be someone better (in front of you) than you and someone worse (behind you).
No matter what you do. If you feel like a failure and think that no one is as bad as you, then you can assume with great certainty that this is not true. Personally, I had severe sleep problems. I thought that no one else had sleep problems as bad as mine. Many people who suffer from something think this way. When I read on the internet that many people have much worse sleeping problems, it was such a relief for me. Such an AHA experience that there is still hope for me.
The same applies if you are ambitious and want to be the best. Like a Porsche, you might feel like you’re ahead for a short while. Until you realize there are others ahead of you.
Your negative emotions belong to you
This insight comes from a “Creators Game” workshop.
One person was very angry with the workshop leader. However, the leader hardly addressed the person, but rather spoke to the group from the uninvolved perspective of a third party, assessing the situation.
This made both the person and me very angry because the general expectation is that you respond empathetically to the other one in a conflict.
It was only when I spoke to the workshop leader afterwards that his position became clear to me.
The other person he already knew dramatized the situation. If he had gotten involved in her drama and anger, it would have negatively affected his emotions. He just didn’t want to get drawn into this emotional chaos.
Only because we are used to both parties to the conflict getting emotionally involved in a conflict and its negative emotions, we are offended and judge it as not empathetic if someone doesn’t do that.
If I really want something in life, I should get it
I remember it like today. I was in elementary school and we had a Christmas party.
We students were asked to bring Christmas cookies from home.
So all the cookies were on the table and we children were sitting around the table.
In addition to all the regular sized cookies, there was also a large gingerbread man. I still remember staring greedily at the amazing, delicious gingerbread man, but I didn’t dare taking it. Or even just taking part of it.
I’m not sure, but I think other children felt the same way as I did.
A student from a higher grade level had no shyness. Instead of just taking a piece of the gingerbread man, he took the whole thing and packed it up to take it home.
He probably thought: if no one wants him, then I’ll just eat him at home. I prefer to enjoy the many other cookies here.
I reflected on this situation like this: If I want something and don’t stand up for it, then no one will do it for me.
If I’m left empty-handed afterwards, I can go on and on about how everything and everyone is mean, but that won’t be of any use to me.
If I really want something in life, I should get it. This is the only option.
The greatest insights come in silence, not in any videos or books
I watch a lot of videos and try to gain knowledge from a lot of books.
Most of the time I’m just overloaded with information afterwards.
I put pressure on myself to implement everything I’ve learned.
It is the silence and relaxation in which new insights and ideas simply come like flashes of inspiration.
When I go for a walk every day, I get a lot of insights and ideas. Especially because of the fresh air.
In my world I’m the only one who thinks
It often happens that I blame others for my life. So I find myself in the victim role.
I am the only one who has real influence on my life.
Every person lives in their own little world. And this is the only thing that can be influenced.
There’s no point in blaming others when everything in your own little world doesn’t go the way you want it to.
Because in your own little world you are the only one who thinks!
Hate is the absence of love
I studied industrial engineering. And one of our majors was thermodynamics.
A principle of thermodynamics is: There is no cold – cold is the absence of heat.
I found this sentence very memorable because it can be applied to many other areas of life.
For example: There is no darkness – darkness is the absence of light
Or even more important: There is no hate – hate is the absence of love!
Who dont asks stays stupid
I once asked a friend if I could stay at his place for 3 nights during an event.
He then said that his apartment was small and 3 nights was a bit much. I immediately found myself in reverse gear and replied that I understood, my request for 3 nights was excessive and that it was stupid to ask.
He replied that it wasn’t stupid to ask, but important. Because I would not know otherwise.
The high bar of connections
Me and an ex-girlfriend ended a year-long relationship.
What she said to me back then is still very present in my mind today and helps me to see the end of relationships more positively.
She said: I don’t know if I’ll ever find such a great friend as you again, but I won’t go any lower with my standards.
I interpret it to mean that the bar has been raised for a person to form a connection with. And the quality of a connection is given more importance than the quantity of connections.
I assume that you attract people who match your values and standards.
So I interpret this statement to mean that our quality standards increase through a great person whose life path continues in a different direction. Our demands that a new person has to fulfill in order for us to form a connection with them.
Stability in life
When studying social pedagogy, as I studied for two semesters, we had the subject of social psychology.
In this subject we talked about the impact of relationships on our lives. It was explained to us very clearly, which is why it remains in my memory to this day.
Our relationships with friends, family and relatives are like pillars on which our being is supported. The more good relationships (pillars) you have, the more stable you are in life.
The opposite is the neediness. If you only have a few relationships or a good one, you rely on it completely and become dependent on it. This can be very distressing, especially for the other person in the relationship.
If all the pillars collapse and you find yourself without good relationships in life, then this can have a very negative emotional impact and you are very unstable in life.
The first cut is the deepest
“The first cut is the deepest” is a song I think about often.
There is always a first time, no matter what it is. And this first time is always special (formative or difficult).
It doesn’t matter whether it’s the first kiss, the first love, like in this song, or, more present in my life, the first time I dare to tackle a difficult task. Simply doing something new for the first time that wasn’t present in life before.
Examples include: the first job, the first time approaching a stranger of the preferred gender, the first child.
Personally, I see the first time as a mountain that has to be overcome. Once the highest point has been overcome, things become easier over time, perhaps even normal.
We can hardly estimate how someone subjectively perceives a situation
The first example connected to this statement is from my own life. I spoke to a Couchsurfing host in Macedonia about poverty and the situation of street children.
Her statement was that the street children don’t perceive their situation as as bad as we do from the outside because they don’t know anything else. That was a blow to me. I have always assumed that because I perceive the situation objectively, I can also draw conclusions about how it is subjectively perceived by another person.
Another example is even more drastic and clear. The documentary “Escape from Camp 14” is about the escape of a camp inmate (Shin) from an internment camp in North Korea.
At the end of the documentary, Shin says that he would like to be back in the camp. Unlike what is probably in the book, there is no detailed explanation in the documentation of what this statement is all about. This statement initially left me perplexed. Why would anyone want to exchange torture, regular public executions, forced labor, etc. for freedom, diversity and enjoyment?
The following statement from Shin is on Wikipedia: He says that although in the camp he suffered a lot of pain, starvation and punishment if he didn’t do his job well, in South Korea you have to suffer if you don’t have enough money. The fact that everything revolves around money makes life difficult for him. He also has the impression that the suicide rate in South Korea is higher than in the camp. He misses the carefreeness and his “innocent heart”.
That’s also more or less how I explained it to myself. And that takes my thought even further. We perceive our situation in the Western world as privileged. The reason is because we are comparing them. With the situation of other countries or other times.
It is difficult for us to see the possibilities that have not yet been manifested. In order to then compare our current situation with the situation that is possible for us.
I thought of another example of how comparing also leads to unhappiness. I have thought a lot about the topic of happiness. why people are happy, what makes them happy.
I came across the gross national happiness in Bhutan, a country in the Himalayas. There people are happy with very few material possessions or other privileges of wealth. Here, the standard of living is measured humanistically by people’s happiness and not quantitatively by the flow of money or the amount of money.
In another documentary I saw how happiness was declining in a country neighboring Bhutan. Through the introduction of Western products.
Because people compared and saw what was still possible, they suddenly weren’t so happy anymore.
I would be very happy if the insights I have reflected on in life inspire you and help you in your development.
Write to me in the comments if you were able to take something from it.
I am also very interested in what insights you have made in your life so far. Feel free to share your experiences and reflections in the comments.
And of course it is very interesting if you share what touched you, what resonates in you or what is alive in you while you read this lines.